I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
