I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
