Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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