What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
