You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
