yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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