You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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