eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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