im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
