dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
