Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
