There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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