I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
