I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
