What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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