Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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