mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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