he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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