I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
