Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
