just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
