Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
