My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
