i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
