i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
