i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
