Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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