My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
