I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
