Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
