can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
