you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
