Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
