everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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