Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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