Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
