Nicole vs. Life
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
