How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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