Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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