im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize