I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
