He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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