So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize