did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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