I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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