I accidentally had phone sex last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
