The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize