Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize