There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
