We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
