I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
