Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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