the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
