My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i've created a new STD.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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