When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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