Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
