my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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