Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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