"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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