I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
