new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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