What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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