You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
