i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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