look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
