My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
