Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
this will be a night to untag.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
