Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
