Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
