I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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