I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
