1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
