This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
