everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
