I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
