Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
